Sitting in My Room

I feel a certain lethargy and sadness coming into my apartment this morning. I just came from the airport having just dropped off my mom, aunt and a friend to catch their flights to Singapore. Aunt will stay for another month in Singapore to spend time with her son there. Mom to stop overnight before continuing on to Manila. Friend to go straight to Manila.
This photo was taken at 10sec exposure.

I can't believe that one and a half months has passed by as quickly as it did. Now, I trully am alone in my apartment -- not quite used yet to the stillness. First thing I did was to open my computer and filled the house with music. Then I started changing the bed sheets and the pillow cases. Saw some dirty spots on the floor and started cleaning them up. When everything was in order, I sat down in front of the computer and wrote a letter to my boyfriend. Sent it. Needing even further contact, I decided to give him a call. Our conversation lifted me up. Feeling inspired, I started making this entry.


Living alone (in a foreign country at that) for the first time in my life is something I am living through in constant paradox. I know it is something I had wanted for the longest time but the reality of it is nothing like how I imagined it. It's not always bright and happy as I had thought. It's different. The feeling of sweet independence is there but it comes with the feeling of being on your own. The feeling of freedom is there but it comes with wanting to be in constant connection.

But don't get me wrong...I am loving every minute of this self-examination. I am loving every minute of being by myself and getting this chance to understand who I am and the things that are going through in my life. I am loving the fact that I am starting to like and accept even more the person looking back at me in the mirror. I am loving the fact that what I am going through now is yet another preparatory step to the next big thing in my life.

Life is indeed bright. Like those lights outside of my bedroom window...