Hmnnn...Europe

Over lunch, my office friend Nuning regaled the lunch group with stories about her 4 week vacation in Europe. She was saying that she is very, very happy with her trip despite the fact that she is now bankrupt and got stuck in Paris while trying to make her way to Barcelona. I admire her for her bravery, travelling to Europe on her own, planning her own itenerary. I was surprised to find out that she actually stayed with a friend that she just happened to meet on a plane during one of her business trips to India. She met this French guy on a plane and became fast friends with him enough to plan this whole Europe trip in his company, two weeks of which is spent living with him and his family somewhere in Southern France. (How Posh!) The best part of it, she says, is the fact that nearing the end of her 4 week holiday, the French Guy and her became a couple. Talk about stories the stuff of fairy tales!

Her story actually gave me another reason to marvel on my learning that life is really what you make out of it. God gives you what he can then guides you through signs, through other people but really, major turns on your life really depends on you. That's the beautiful paradox of the gift of free will. My friend Nuning for example just one day decided on a plane that she would befriend this French Guy and the rest is as they say history. She took the plunge of actually spending over 4,000 US dollars to make her Europe trip, saw Spain, Paris, Amsterdam, South France and so much more. She is an inspiration and a source of deep awe. Her story poses a challenge...she said that nothing can replace seeing Europe -- Paris, specifically, as a single person (meaning without your significant other if with someone) -- it gives you an erotic mystic that only the lenses of being single can unravel. I wonder what that means...

Patiently Waiting

It just hit me. I am indeed waiting. For something. I am not sure. It seems like it’s for an answer. To a question only half-formed. One thing’s for sure though. This mind, this thinking mind will not rest until I find that answer. I will not force it. Like most things in life. It will come. It will just happen. One lazy evening like this one. Unbidden. Out of the blue. Like most things in life.

Some people hate surprises. I used to be one of them. I’m big on planning. It’s almost second nature. But life is bigger. It doesn’t revolve around me. I am but a tiny spec. Wanting to leave an imprint. Yet wanting the comfort of insignificance. An insignificant imprint that will be significant to those who will bother to take a closer look.

Meanwhile, like an elusive fly caught inside my car, that half-formed question bugs me, but soothes me like the rising sun. Assures me that I am still here. Alive. Living my life. It brings me a sense of comfort. That mystifies me. Brings me back yet again to that ever reccurring puzzle in my mind…why…?

I take pause. Allowed the question to linger in me. Straight to my heart. My soul. Time is a friend. And I will bask. In this frustrating yet cleansing struggle. One day at a time. The answer will come. One day…

White Volcano in Bandung

Strawberry Fields Forever

A Piece About Love

I was reading through my old journal and I came across this piece I wrote a while back and the learning once again hit me with fresh perspective. So I'm publishing it again now to share to everyone. Hope you find it helpful if relevant.

March 12

in keeping distances, in silence, in waiting

in patience, in prayer, in pain

love is expressed.

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This message jumped right out of a book a dear friend excitedly put down in front of me and it reminded me yet again of two stories…

Someone was telling me that in boy scouting, the rule on saving somebody who is drowning is simple. First course of action is NEVER TO DIVE IN. The instinct of the one drowning is to hang on to you for dear life, bringing both of you down – so in order to save, you have to find something - a floater, a log, a rope that he can hang onto so you can pull him in. If there is nothing to pull him in with, dive in and approach from behind, unknown to him. Hurt him if needed so he won’t be trashing around as you swim him back to safety.

Ray Charles is a famous blind singer/musician. It was actually when he was about 7-8 years old that he went blind. A child being a child, it was hard for his mother not to be there for him for everything, give him his every whim. One late afternoon, he came running inside their small house, confident he has committed to memory his way around the house. But he stumbled on his feet, landing painfully on the floor. He cried out repeatedly for his mom to come to him, but his mom just stood there, silently looking on. After a few moments, realizing that his mom will not come to his rescue, Ray stood up, wiping his tears away. Every tiny sound suddenly became so clear and he started moving forward. He heard a small sound on the floor and he recognized it as the sound of an insect he liked to catch when he still had sight. He smiled and knelt on the floor, groping for the insect, catching it and playfully putting in near his ear. Suddenly he smiled toward where his mom stood motionless and said, “I know you are right there momma.” His mom rushed to hug him with tears in her eyes whispering, “You make me happy.”

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Sometimes in accepting that the best thing to do is “to let someone grab a floater, not dive in” – “to hurt, to grope around and find their way” – we help more, love more.

"Kids at Play" are "Kids at Work"

Yesterday, I've decided that I was settled in enough to entertain at my apartment. I've invited a few of my close colleagues at work, three of them are already moms and one of them is actually on the way and about to take her maternity leave. So we decided that we will also use this opportunity to bid her goodluck and congratulations for a new addition to her family.

The party was set to start at 830am. The intention was it would be a breakfast and lunch thing. They asked me to prepare Filipino dishes. I made champorado for breakfast - the best! And one of my favorite recipes from my mom, I made Tagalog Beef Steak with onion rings and potatoes. They also brought several things with them. Sweet Chinese style pancit bihon and lots of ice cream from Esye, Indonesian style Empanadas and the famous tempe (fried tofu) from Ausy, Passion fruit, Dragon Fruit and other exotic Indonesian fruits from Belinda, Sri Lankan chicken and potato cutlets from Shar, fruit juices and candies from Listra and Yulia. Lici just brought her 2 kids as she just came home from Vietnam on a business trip.

We all had a great time but I think I had the greatest time. I just got so distracted playing and taking pictures of the kids!!! They're all so cute. They reminded me why I took up photography. I've always wondered about what goes through a child's mind when he or she is at play. I believe that kids at play are actually kids at work :) Serious work. Look at the pictures c")

Washing Machine Sunday Frenzy

Last weekend, I did 2 weeks worth of my laundry. I washed the whites first. (I have this false belief that washing the colors first will spoil my whites.) Then I washed the colors, which was mostly composed of colored trousers, skirts and jeans. I was reading a book quite happily throughout this ordinary chore when the machine just suddenly made very ugly noises. I was panicked. I didn't know what to do. I grabbed the user's manual and zoned in on a warning: "...hair pins, buttons and the like can cause extensive damage to the machine..." Flashes of an orange top nicely embroidered with medium-sized white sea shells danced in my memory - visions of a shell coming loose and going into the holes of the spinner. For a split second there while loading the machine, about to throw in the article of clothing in discussion, I actually paused to think: "Maybe I should just hand wash this." But the lazy switch in my brain just controlled my wrist as I flipped it in with the rest of the load. I actually loved that shirt! Oh and by the way, while I'm thinking this, my machine is getting damaged! Flashes of work men taking it away as soon as I find the warranty from somewhere in my messy files brought tears in my eyes. It's hard enough being alone here but to have to wash my clothes by hand in the next few weeks while waiting for the replacement added more stress in my already stressful life! This is why I miss my mom so much! I should have listened to her more often!

I tried opening the wachine machine door even if I know all the detergent and water will flow out of it but I was desperate. The noise really sounded terrible. But no matter how hard I yanked, it remained closed. I grabbed the manual again, this machine is too intelligent. The door will only open 3 minutes after the power turns off. The power turns off only after it finishes washing the load!!! I looked at the timer. 15 minutes. Okay, I will wait this out. 14...13...26!!! Whaaat! Why....manual says: "This machine is equipped with a Fuzzy Logic feauture...." This reminded me of a scene in "Shake, Rattle and Roll" where the refrigerator ate the head of a stupid extra. Anyway, so this machine is programmed with artificial intelligence -- one that is going haywire because of those shells!!!

How do I turn off the power...my eyes went over to the power chord...I pulled it out of it's socket, the machine died and I heard the water drain out. I waited for 3 minutes. The door finally opened. The first thing I grabbed out was the orange shirt. The embroidery was...intact!!! Suddenly, I remembered pulling out two hair pins from my hair last night and stashing them in my... jeans pocket!!! More panicked now, I took out the entire load. I thought I was too late, the pins may have already penetrated into the bowels of my beloved machine's innermost mechansim!!! Luck was on my side that day...I found the two hair pins stuck in different places in the spinner.

These two hair pins are now permanently enshrined on my washing machine. It's still working perfectly but I know it's stomach has suffered major scratching! These two hairpins will be a constant reminder that I really should be more vigilant next time. Looooong sigh.....!!!